Weigh In

Weigh In

Weigh In

Well I was right in my last post about gaining.  I figured I had to have a point to move forward from, so I needed my new "starting weight."  It was not good, but I shall move forward from here.

New Blog Beginning

I've been terrible at doing any of the things the past couple of months that I have said I am going to do.  The only thing I have been doing pretty faithfully is reading Katie's Blog.  She is so inspirational, and if I could be motivated by anyone it would be her.  Everyone always says you have to be ready to lose weight, and no one can make that decision for you.  I have had so many things that should be motivation ($100 for every 20lbs I lose from my aunt, $200 for the first 20 lbs from my future MIL, etc) but I still haven't done it.  I got a slap in the face last week when I called to make a payment on my wedding dress and the woman at the store said I would need to order it by the end of Jan.  Holy crap that is next month!  I have let this whole year since my engagement go by saying that I am going to lose weight and look great in my wedding dress, and I haven't lost a single pound.  I actually haven't been on the scale in awhile, and I would not be surprised if I've gained weight. 

This morning I watched the finale of this season's The Biggest Loser on Hulu.  This was the season I auditioned for.  These contestants have all made a HUGE change in their lives, and I've been sitting on the sideline.  After it was over, I decided I was going to workout.  I haven't done anything related to fitness in months.  I went in the backroom and dusted off the treadmill, then jumped on.  I did tried to do the trainer demo that is built in.  It started off nice and slow (2.5).  The incline started increasing, and then the speed increased (3.0).  All of a sudden, the speed jumped to 4.0, which really isn't that fast, but for someone as out of shape as I am, it was killer.  I have to run to keep that pace!  I'm not even sure how long I was able to stick with it.  If I had to guess, I would say probably about 3 minutes.  It felt like the back of my throat was bleeding, and I got a terrible cramp in my foot!  I felt pretty pathetic...I jumped off for about 30 seconds, and then got back on after I slowed it down to about 2.5.  I kept up with the increasing incline for awhile, but then I slowly started reducing that too.  All in all, I only did about 11 minutes.  I'm going to try again tomorrow.

Tonight is this celebration thing for us graduates of nursing school.  My parents, my sisters, and my grandparents are coming from about 100 miles away to see it, and they are staying the night because graduation is tomorrow.  I cannot believe it is already graduation!  It doesn't seem real.  I often think about the stress I'm feeling right now, since I still haven't been able to find a nursing job, and then I think of how we were originally planning our wedding for this January.  I would be in a NUT HOUSE right now if that were still the case (now it is going to be the end of September).

As far as the job hunt goes, I have applied for 11 different positions, have received 4 rejection notices, and have only heard back somewhat positive from one place, with nothing from the rest.  I say somewhat positive because I have to attend this "test drive" for graduate nurses.  It is about 3 hours away from where I am now, and it sounds like anyone who meets the qualifications for the position is invited, but they said to treat it as an interview.  The biggest struggle for me is getting that initial interview.  I stand out better in person, than on paper, so hopefully it will get my name out there!

Bored

So its been a little more than a week since my last blog post.  I've done well to the promises I've made to my mom.  I haven't been out to eat by myself, nor put any food on the credit card.

On Monday, I started back to school for my last semester of nursing school.  If all goes well, I should graduate in December with my Bachelor's Degree.  I say if all goes well because yesterday I fractured my ankle.  I'm a little concerned about clinical because there is no way I can do it with a broken ankle.  The good thing about this semester is the schedule seems to be much more flexible, so as long as I can get my required number of hours in I should be okay. 

So how did I break my ankle you ask?  I wish I had a better story, but I don't.  Yesterday around 12:15 I walked out the front door pulling my rolling backpack, and carrying my purse and keys.  I was headed to class, which started at 1:00.  My porch has 3 steps, and as soon as I stepped on the ground off the steps, my ankle rolled, I felt a "crack," and I went straight to the ground.  I've sprained my ankle a million times playing sports throughout the years, and I've had it "pop" before, but this definitely sounded more like a crack.  I was sobbing, lying on the ground, knowing that if it was a sprain, the pain would ease up enough for me to at least get up.  It never eased up.  After about 5 minutes of almost hysterical sobbing, I was able to clear my head enough to pull my cell phone out of my pocket.  I called my mom first (who lives an hour and a half away).  She tried to call me down, and told me to call Scott at work.  She got my the number for his work (because he can't answer his cell at work).  Before I called him, I called 2 friends that might still be in the area from an earlier class.  They were already home, which is 40+ minutes away.  My one friend said to call an ambulance (she is an EMT), but I said I couldn't afford that.  So I call Scott's work and ask to talk to him.  They are like we really don't do that.  I was crying and telling the woman in the front office how I was lying in the yard and I couldn't get up.  She transferred me to this guy who was a jerk.  He said he'd try to have Scott call me.  When Scott called me, he said he didn't think they would let him leave.  So I called his mom, who lives about 40 minutes away and told her what happened, so she headed out.  I was racking my brain trying to think of who I could call.  I ended up calling my work which is just about a mile and a half down the road.  My boss and my co-worker jumped in the car and headed over.  They got me in the car, and took my to a MedExpress.  Can you believe that the whole time I was lying in the yard crying, no one stopped to see if I was okay?!  I was out there for like 45 minutes! We live on a main road, so it wasn't like there was no one driving by.  A person on a bike even went by on the side walk...I couldn't believe it!!!

So anyway, after all of that, I find out that my ankle is broken.  They put an OCL cast on, which has some hard parts and some soft.  Its kind of weird, but it hold my ankle still at least.  Tomorrow I have an appointment with an orthopedic specialist, so hopefully that goes well.  I am absolutely terrible on crutches! I've tried to stay in one place as much as possible.  My boss gave me the rest of the week off.  Its funny because I am so bored!  When I can come and go as I please, and can move around as much as I want, I don't.  I find plenty of things to do online or watch on Netflix.  But today, when I can't go anywhere and can barely get around, I'm bored silly!

So, with all of this sitting around, I feel like I am going to gain weight like crazy.  Any suggestions for cardio or something that I can do while sitting??  I would appreciate any ideas because I'd really like to lose weight, not gain!

Faithful

So I'm really faithful at reading other's blogs, but I'm not very good at commenting on them or keeping up on my own.  I have the next 2 days off, which I'm super happy about, but I'm not usually very productive, even though I have good intentions.  I worked out this morning and it felt really good.  I did Hi-Def Sculpt by the Firm.  I really like the Firm workouts.  They seem to be relatively fun, but I get a really good sweat. They promise visible results in 10 workouts, which you do in 2 weeks.  (Same promise from just about any workout)  I did the Wave by the Firm, probably about a year and a half ago for about a month.  I really did see and feel results after following the workout schedule religiously.  Its a schedule that I can totally follow if I push myself, with 2 rest days included.  So even though the healthy eating thing isn't going all that well (I am writing down the things I eat though, and trying to track points), If I can get moving, I know I will see results.

This weekend I was at my parents because we celebrated my mom's birthday Saturday.  My mom told me the first night I was there about my aunt's co-worker.  He was around 43, in good shape, went to the gym after work last week.  After he was done he called the hospital and said he wasn't feeling good, and that he was driving himself there.  He died in the car in the hospital parking lot.  They believe it was a heart attack.  She's told me I need to get my act together because she is afraid that will be me.  Scott and I were talking later about how we can get me to stop going out to eat.  I confessed to him that I was going out 1-3 times a day the 3 weeks I was in clinical, and I put it on my credit card.  I pay the credit card off every month when the bill comes, but this has been the highest amount I have charged, and I had to add some vacation time to my paycheck just to make sure I have enough to pay it.  He talked about giving me a budget, etc, but he doesn't want to leave me without a card in case I need it in an emergency.  We also talked about how I can say I want him to tell me no to going out, but in the moment, I know I would get mad at him.  I can have great intentions, but when I want a certain food, it is like crack.  I don't care what he says, I'm going to find a way to get it.  My mom and I had pretty much the same conversation later.  What we decided is to try little things.  So, the 2 things we agreed on are: I am not allowed to charge fast food, and I am not allowed to eat out by myself, and if I do, I have to call and confess to her.  So even though its a Tuesday, and Applebees has my favorite soup food (Potato Cheese Soup), I am trying desperately to think of anything else.  Only a little more than an hour until Scott gets home.  So hopefully he can give me some encouragement.

Shopping Trip

Yesterday, Scott and I went grocery shopping and it was probably one of the better trips to the store we've made in awhile.  We didn't get the usual JUNK.  A receptionist from my Weight Watcher meetings walked by and I pretty much ducked my head and hid, but then I looked in my cart and realized that overall, there were pretty good choices in there. At least nothing stood out to me as unhealthy and embarrassing to have in my cart.

I had intentions of writing an interesting and thoughtful blog entry, but now I can hardly put any words together.  I just feel sluggish and lazy.  I'm going to have to work on that!

Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah blah blah ljfldsjfdlaja.  That might as well be what I write in every blog entry I make.  I keep saying, I know what my problem is, I need to stop doing this and start doing that, and blah blah blah.  Seriously?!  I haven't done a single thing I have said I will start doing, and on the flipside, I haven't stopped doing things I said I would stop.  What is my problem here?!  Do I really want to have to order a size 26+ wedding dress?  Do I really want to have pictures of myself at this size?  No!  Why can't I change my life?  Why can I not stick to one single thing I say I will do??  I hate failing, and this journey so far has been an epic failure!  I'm supposed to weigh in tonight at Weight Watchers, but I don't even want to go.  This will be my 16th meeting, and I'm supposed to earn the hands charm, but I don't want to get it because I'm afraid the leader will ask how much I've lost...I would be so embarrassed to say in the past 16 weeks I've lost less than 10 lbs.  I have no clue what my weight will be.  Last night was the first time in I can't remember how long I actually cooked something for a meal, and of all things it was spaghetti.  I guess that is better than eating out like I have been.  I'm wasting so much money by going out, and I'm definitely not helping my weight situation.  Everyone who's ever been successful at weight loss has said that you have to WANT to do it, no one can force you.  Do I want to do it?  It seems like I want crap food more...

I sure hope I can get my head on straight quickly.......

Excuses

My mom and I were talking the other day about the things that were holding back my weight loss.  I kept saying "my biggest downfall is X."  Then I'd say well actually its X.  She said that she feels like I keep putting off weight loss in the hopes that I'll be selected for the Biggest Loser.  Well that doesn't apply anymore.  The Detroit open call is today, and even though I'm in the Detroit area this weekend, I wont be going.  Filming is going to be right in the middle of my final semester of nursing school.  I am willing to give up and put off a lot of things for the opportunity to be on the BL, but the one thing I wont do is put off the last semester of nursing.  When I finish this semester and graduate in December, it will finally be a new chapter of my life.  I wont be in school for the very first time in 23 years.  I can't even imagine what it will be like.  I'm excited, but I'm also nervous about finding a job.

Now that I've gone way off topic, back to the things holding back my weightloss...
After my mom said what she did, I said "NO, you know what the one thing holding back my weightloss is???  EXCUSES!"  I keep making excuses, and I'm not sure why or how to stop.  I absolutely HAVE to get myself under control! As I say that, I'm looking at the empty bag of Burger King I had for breakfast.  I disgust myself... 

I've got my rewards

Today I thought about some of the things I want for myself.  Some are little, and some are bigger, which is perfect for the different goals I have.  So here are the things I am going to reward myself with as I lose weight (and get healthy)!

15 lbs -> Sip n Go waterbottle  http://www.buysipngo.com/
20 lbs -> pedicure
10% -> new shoes
35 lbs -> Heart rate monitor
50 lbs -> Massage
75 lbs -> nook
100 lbs -> xbox with kinect
Final goal -> tattoo

Pain problems

I only posted through Tuesday last week.  I think it is because I made terrible choices that I didn't want to fess up to on here.  I was afraid of admitting my failure.  But that is one of the reasons I have a blog to write in, so I can be held accountable.  I am going to make it my goal to write in this blog even if I've had a bad day, week, etc.

My weigh in Thursday was a bust.  I was really disappointed because I felt like I had done better than the week before.  But when I look at the blog, I stopped writing on Tuesday, so Wednesday and Thursday weren't good days.  I gained a pound, and I just have to admit that I deserved the gain.  I keep finding myself saying, "this is the last time I ____"  Usually it revolves around going out and getting something terrible to eat.  No more this is the last time!

I got 2 bondibands in the mail on Friday.  I was so excited!  I sweat all of the time, and when I work out it is almost unbearable.  We left Friday night to go out of town, and didn't get back until Sunday night, so I haven't used them yet. 

I really wanted to get some exercising in starting today.  That is definitely not going to happen today.  Yesterday on the drive home, I started having some really bad pain in my back.  It just got progressively worse.  After finally getting home, I ended up lying down.  I was still in so much pain.  I was sobbing my back hurt so bad.  It felt like there was a sword piercing through my shoulder blades, and whenever I moved, I felt like the sword was twisting.  Scott did all he could, but nothing was helping.  I woke up this morning still in a ton of pain.  I called clinical and told them I wouldn't be able to make it.  I eventually went to the Medexpress/University Health Center on the campus of my school because it is cheap for students.  They gave me a shot of toradol, prescribed me a muscle relaxer and some other kind of medication for pain, and told me not to go back to work until tomorrow.  I took the muscle relaxer when I got home and passed out.  Thankfully shot of toradol worked, so I was able to get some better sleep than I did last night.  I'm still in quite a bit of pain right now.  Hopefully tomorrow I feel quite a bit better so I can go to school and clinical.

I am still working on making rewards for goals I meet...I'll post them when I figure them out!

(Non-food) Rewards

Ok so I totally blew last night...why am I letting myself  fail here?!?  I did fine when I finally went into the kitchen.  I made chicken rice like I planned, which was 15 points.  Done for the day.  Then my fiance is texting me, "I'm hungry."  I was like yeah, me too...but was I really, or was I just bored and lonely??  So anyway, he asks if I want him to pick something up, and I said it was his choice.  He asked me what I wanted...I said cheese bread...way to go Danielle, terrible choice.  Before he even gets home, I had one two mini twix ice cream bars...I don't even know how many points they are.  Then he brings home 3-cheeser bread from Hungry Howies around 9:30pm and I eat an entire half of it.  Yuck!  I don't even want to know how many points that was, especially because I dipped it in garlic sauce.

So, everyone's blogs who are having success have some type of reward system for themselves, and I think that is a good idea.  The only problem is, when I think of rewarding myself, I think of food, and I need to break that now.  I need to find myself some non-food rewards.  Any ideas that you guys have would be greatly appreciated!

McDonalds

Hmm what to say about today.  It was my first day of phlebotomy clinicals.  I really for the most part just watched.  Hopefully I can get my hands dirty the next time.

All I have had to eat today is McDonalds...so much for my fresh start huh?  I'm not too terribly disappointed in myself because I am still within my points.  I haven't eaten dinner yet, and I have 15 points left.  This morning I woke up way late, and stopped on my way into clinical and got a sausage mcmuffin for 13 points and a hashbrown for 4.  On the way back, I picked up a 10 piece chicken nugget for 10 points, and apple dippers with caramel for 2 points.  I had about 10 minutes to change and leave for work when I got home, so that was my excuse for stopping.  I'm starving right now, but I don't even want to walk into the kitchen because I'm afraid I'll eat everything in site.  I do have a plan of what I am going to make (chicken rice), I just have to go in there and stick to it.  I also don't want to go in there because it is HOT!  We don't have central air, we just have a window air conditioner in the bedroom.  That is where we spend most all of our time during hot summers like the one we have been having.  We just shut the door and turn the bedroom into an icebox.

I get so crabby when it is hot...for any that don't know, in Michigan, its not the heat that'll kill you, its the humidity.  You walk outside and the heat/humidity just takes your breath away.  Yuck!  My manager at work is always cold.  So today, she says "is anyone else cold?? I'm freezing!" I'm like "Nope, I even have my fan on!"  (I have this teeny fan that I put wherever I'm working that day)  Later on I was starting to feel hot.  When I went to the back to get my purse, I saw that the air conditioning was turned off...instead of raising the temp, she turned it OFF!  Seriously? I was a little peeved.  I'm wearing about the coolest outfit I can for working at a bank...there is not taking off layers or anything to cool down...why don't people who are cold put on a sweater?!  But I can't say that because she's the boss...Ugh, hopefully she doesn't do that again the rest  of the week because we aren't supposed to get a break from this weather!

Reappearing

Well I disappeared for awhile already and I just started writing last week.  Yay me...

I did so well last week until Thursday.  I weighed in and was up 0.8.  I tried to tell myself that it was still probably a loss from the week before when I didn't weigh since I did SO bad.  Plus I started my TOTM Thursday morning. blahh.  I was still a little discouraged.  So what did I do?? I went to lunch with my future MIL.  We had Mexican, and I actually had less than normal, but it still wasn't very smart.  I had 2 cheese enchiladas, and cheese dip and chips.  Ok so move on right? Wrong!  That night after I was done with preceptoring, my fiance Scott and I went to Applebees for 1/2 off appetizers after 8.  I had mozzarella sticks, and 2 bowls of potato cheese soup.  Ok, so I had a bad food day overall, tomorrow is a fresh start right? 

Turns out the fresh start ended up being 2 cheesy bacon wrappers from Burger King.  Then I skipped lunch since I was at work.  We went out to Mt. Pleasant since Scott was going to a concert out there, and we met my sister and her boyfriend and had Mexican again....My sister and I went to see the new Harry Potter while the boys were at the concert.  We didn't get anything to eat there, likely because we were running so late we were afraid we'd miss the start of the movie!  After the movie, we went to a Coney Island and I got cheese sticks and french fries...Seems to be a trend here...

I need to pick myself up from this weekend!  Tomorrow starts a couple of weeks filled with half day of work, half day of clinical (or whole day of clinical on my day off of work).  I'm going to need to plan ahead so that I have decent lunches so I don't constantly want to stop at fast food.

Ok Danielle, we can do this!

Day 2, and the beginning of 3

I could have made a few better choices yesterday, but overall I stayed within my points.  Actually I didn't even eat all of my points.  During the class I was helping at, my stomach started growling about a half hour before we were going to do dinner.  When I did start eating though, I didn't feel very hungry.  The only thing I really noticed when I did start eating is that I was pretty shaky.  After the class was over at 9, on my way home I was constantly thinking about food, specifically fast food.  I really wanted to stop, and I would have stopped anywhere.  But the thing that I kept thinking about was that I really couldn't afford it.  I kept saying, " you need that money to put gas in the car."  It worked for once.  I didn't stop anywhere, and when I got home I got ready for bed.  When I got in bed, I was laying there with my hunny, and my stomach starts growling.  I just put that out of my mind and went to bed.  

I still haven't eaten breakfast yet this morning, and its now 9:45.  I keep walking in the kitchen to get something to eat, and then I walk out because there is nothing in there that I want.  I don't even know what it is I want though!

Here is to making it through Day 3!

Day 1

I am actually pretty proud of myself today.  I had a bowl of cheerios and an apple for breakfast.  Then I took my dog to the vet.  He has had this thing on his ear, and they said that it is a growth that we need to remove.  The visit today was $41, and to have the growth removed it is going to be around $200-$250.  That made me a little bit depressed.  My fiance and I are pretty broke right now.  So I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself and trying to figure out how we would pay for this unexpected expense.  Normally when I'm feeling that way, I'll eat.  And eat...  And eat some more....  

Today I didn't though!  Don't get me wrong...I was really tempted too, but I didn't.  I think part of it was laziness, but there was some willpower involved as well!  I then went to a class that I am preceptoring for.  Before I left, I made part of my dinner to take since the class is 2p-9p.  I packed potato straws and grapes, and I picked up a slim 1 from Jimmy Johns.  Not the best thing to have, especially since I'm complaining about being broke, but all of the stuff we had at the house would have needed to be microwaved, and I wasn't sure if there would be one available.

The class went really well.  I really enjoyed it!  It will be Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday also this week.

I've actually already written more than I had planned...I have a terrible headache (which I think is from the heat and humidity), so I think I'm going to go to bed.  Hopefully tomorrow I will make good choices.

First Post-Getting Started

Well, I think it is about time  way overdue that I make the first entry in this blog.  I've only had it since, ohh April.  Its now July; pretty pathetic.  I've just been reading about other people's challenges and success, but now I am going to try to start posting about my own journey.

So I started Weight Watchers on March 24 of this year.  I've only managed to lose a total of 9.4 lbs since then.  I either do really well, or I do terribly.  I haven't counted points in so long.  I think I've missed 2 or 3 meetings since March.  I really need to get my butt in gear.  

These are the incentives people I love have given me to help me lose weight:

• After I reach the first 20 lbs of weight loss, my future Mother-in-law is going to give me $200 towards my wedding dress.
• My aunt is going to give me $100 for every 20 lbs I lose.  If I lose 100 lbs, she will give me $1000.00
• I've always held on to clothes in my closet forever, saying I'll wear it again when I lose weight.  In an effort to get me to get rid of them, my mom told me she will buy me all new clothes when I lose the weight.

Seriously...if those aren't enough motivation for me then I don't know what will be!

This past February, I went to Chicago to audition for The Biggest Loser season 12.  I also made a video.  I didn't get a call back.  I was planning on auditioning again for season 13, which is in Detroit at the end of this month, but I found out filming would take place starting in around October and probably last somewhere around 14-20 weeks.  I wouldn't even be able to go on the show because I have my last semester of nursing school starting at the very end of August and going through December when I graduate.  I may still attend the audition because it was a lot of fun even though I froze my ass off in Chicago!  Wouldn't it suck though if I got picked for the season I couldn't even do it???


I think I've rambled in this post long enough...but I'll post each weigh in I've had since I started Weight Watchers:

3/24/11 = 276 (Starting weight)

3/30/11 = 270.8 (-5.2)   Total -5.2

4/6/11 = 274 (+3.2) Total -2

4/13/11 = missed 

4/20/11 = 268 (-6) Total -8

4/28/11 = 268.4 (+0.4) Total -7.6

5/7/11 = 269 (+0.6) total -7

5/10/11 = 265.2 (-3.8) total -10.8

5/19/11 = missed

5/26/11 = 269 (+3.8) total -7

6/2/11 = 266 (-3) total -10

6/9/11 = 267 (+1) total -9

6/16/11 = 262.6 (-4.4) total -13.4

6/23/11 = 268.2 (+5.6) total -7.8

6/30/11 = 266.6 (-1.6) total -9.4

7/7/11 = missed