Bored

So its been a little more than a week since my last blog post.  I've done well to the promises I've made to my mom.  I haven't been out to eat by myself, nor put any food on the credit card.

On Monday, I started back to school for my last semester of nursing school.  If all goes well, I should graduate in December with my Bachelor's Degree.  I say if all goes well because yesterday I fractured my ankle.  I'm a little concerned about clinical because there is no way I can do it with a broken ankle.  The good thing about this semester is the schedule seems to be much more flexible, so as long as I can get my required number of hours in I should be okay. 

So how did I break my ankle you ask?  I wish I had a better story, but I don't.  Yesterday around 12:15 I walked out the front door pulling my rolling backpack, and carrying my purse and keys.  I was headed to class, which started at 1:00.  My porch has 3 steps, and as soon as I stepped on the ground off the steps, my ankle rolled, I felt a "crack," and I went straight to the ground.  I've sprained my ankle a million times playing sports throughout the years, and I've had it "pop" before, but this definitely sounded more like a crack.  I was sobbing, lying on the ground, knowing that if it was a sprain, the pain would ease up enough for me to at least get up.  It never eased up.  After about 5 minutes of almost hysterical sobbing, I was able to clear my head enough to pull my cell phone out of my pocket.  I called my mom first (who lives an hour and a half away).  She tried to call me down, and told me to call Scott at work.  She got my the number for his work (because he can't answer his cell at work).  Before I called him, I called 2 friends that might still be in the area from an earlier class.  They were already home, which is 40+ minutes away.  My one friend said to call an ambulance (she is an EMT), but I said I couldn't afford that.  So I call Scott's work and ask to talk to him.  They are like we really don't do that.  I was crying and telling the woman in the front office how I was lying in the yard and I couldn't get up.  She transferred me to this guy who was a jerk.  He said he'd try to have Scott call me.  When Scott called me, he said he didn't think they would let him leave.  So I called his mom, who lives about 40 minutes away and told her what happened, so she headed out.  I was racking my brain trying to think of who I could call.  I ended up calling my work which is just about a mile and a half down the road.  My boss and my co-worker jumped in the car and headed over.  They got me in the car, and took my to a MedExpress.  Can you believe that the whole time I was lying in the yard crying, no one stopped to see if I was okay?!  I was out there for like 45 minutes! We live on a main road, so it wasn't like there was no one driving by.  A person on a bike even went by on the side walk...I couldn't believe it!!!

So anyway, after all of that, I find out that my ankle is broken.  They put an OCL cast on, which has some hard parts and some soft.  Its kind of weird, but it hold my ankle still at least.  Tomorrow I have an appointment with an orthopedic specialist, so hopefully that goes well.  I am absolutely terrible on crutches! I've tried to stay in one place as much as possible.  My boss gave me the rest of the week off.  Its funny because I am so bored!  When I can come and go as I please, and can move around as much as I want, I don't.  I find plenty of things to do online or watch on Netflix.  But today, when I can't go anywhere and can barely get around, I'm bored silly!

So, with all of this sitting around, I feel like I am going to gain weight like crazy.  Any suggestions for cardio or something that I can do while sitting??  I would appreciate any ideas because I'd really like to lose weight, not gain!

Faithful

So I'm really faithful at reading other's blogs, but I'm not very good at commenting on them or keeping up on my own.  I have the next 2 days off, which I'm super happy about, but I'm not usually very productive, even though I have good intentions.  I worked out this morning and it felt really good.  I did Hi-Def Sculpt by the Firm.  I really like the Firm workouts.  They seem to be relatively fun, but I get a really good sweat. They promise visible results in 10 workouts, which you do in 2 weeks.  (Same promise from just about any workout)  I did the Wave by the Firm, probably about a year and a half ago for about a month.  I really did see and feel results after following the workout schedule religiously.  Its a schedule that I can totally follow if I push myself, with 2 rest days included.  So even though the healthy eating thing isn't going all that well (I am writing down the things I eat though, and trying to track points), If I can get moving, I know I will see results.

This weekend I was at my parents because we celebrated my mom's birthday Saturday.  My mom told me the first night I was there about my aunt's co-worker.  He was around 43, in good shape, went to the gym after work last week.  After he was done he called the hospital and said he wasn't feeling good, and that he was driving himself there.  He died in the car in the hospital parking lot.  They believe it was a heart attack.  She's told me I need to get my act together because she is afraid that will be me.  Scott and I were talking later about how we can get me to stop going out to eat.  I confessed to him that I was going out 1-3 times a day the 3 weeks I was in clinical, and I put it on my credit card.  I pay the credit card off every month when the bill comes, but this has been the highest amount I have charged, and I had to add some vacation time to my paycheck just to make sure I have enough to pay it.  He talked about giving me a budget, etc, but he doesn't want to leave me without a card in case I need it in an emergency.  We also talked about how I can say I want him to tell me no to going out, but in the moment, I know I would get mad at him.  I can have great intentions, but when I want a certain food, it is like crack.  I don't care what he says, I'm going to find a way to get it.  My mom and I had pretty much the same conversation later.  What we decided is to try little things.  So, the 2 things we agreed on are: I am not allowed to charge fast food, and I am not allowed to eat out by myself, and if I do, I have to call and confess to her.  So even though its a Tuesday, and Applebees has my favorite soup food (Potato Cheese Soup), I am trying desperately to think of anything else.  Only a little more than an hour until Scott gets home.  So hopefully he can give me some encouragement.

Shopping Trip

Yesterday, Scott and I went grocery shopping and it was probably one of the better trips to the store we've made in awhile.  We didn't get the usual JUNK.  A receptionist from my Weight Watcher meetings walked by and I pretty much ducked my head and hid, but then I looked in my cart and realized that overall, there were pretty good choices in there. At least nothing stood out to me as unhealthy and embarrassing to have in my cart.

I had intentions of writing an interesting and thoughtful blog entry, but now I can hardly put any words together.  I just feel sluggish and lazy.  I'm going to have to work on that!

Blah Blah Blah

Blah Blah blah blah ljfldsjfdlaja.  That might as well be what I write in every blog entry I make.  I keep saying, I know what my problem is, I need to stop doing this and start doing that, and blah blah blah.  Seriously?!  I haven't done a single thing I have said I will start doing, and on the flipside, I haven't stopped doing things I said I would stop.  What is my problem here?!  Do I really want to have to order a size 26+ wedding dress?  Do I really want to have pictures of myself at this size?  No!  Why can't I change my life?  Why can I not stick to one single thing I say I will do??  I hate failing, and this journey so far has been an epic failure!  I'm supposed to weigh in tonight at Weight Watchers, but I don't even want to go.  This will be my 16th meeting, and I'm supposed to earn the hands charm, but I don't want to get it because I'm afraid the leader will ask how much I've lost...I would be so embarrassed to say in the past 16 weeks I've lost less than 10 lbs.  I have no clue what my weight will be.  Last night was the first time in I can't remember how long I actually cooked something for a meal, and of all things it was spaghetti.  I guess that is better than eating out like I have been.  I'm wasting so much money by going out, and I'm definitely not helping my weight situation.  Everyone who's ever been successful at weight loss has said that you have to WANT to do it, no one can force you.  Do I want to do it?  It seems like I want crap food more...

I sure hope I can get my head on straight quickly.......